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Why so? A desperation to nurture you is as unwelcome an aspiration as serial adultery. My advice would be to stop chewing over the long-term considerations and just accept this relationship in the here and now. Taking an extended trip seems an excellent way of establishing whether there is a possibility for anything longer term. What was time well spent? What was squandered? It also seems time we all embraced a more realistic and contemporary approach to our pairings.

Once upon a time the choice of who to settle down with was a serious business, particularly for women. Nowadays we can hook up and pair off, change our minds, stream through a whole regiment or decide our best friend was the person we wanted all along. Positives 3. Worst Memories of things that happened between the two of you 4. Best Memories of things that happened. Believe me, by the time you have finished the first part of this exercise — you will definitely have a better idea.

Remember — this has to do with what felt negative to you personally — not how others might think abut it.

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The time they lied to me about…. Now I have to tell you. This might get a little detailed. Some of these things might still cause you embarrassment or even pain. But you need to get this stuff out in the open.


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The person cheating. Think of this part as cathartic.

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As you write down each bad memory, imagine that you are now expunging it from your experience just by the act of writing it down. The time they surprised me with…. The laughs we had when…… How they used to bring me coffee every morning.. Love notes they would leave around… Great phone sex….


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Now do this for every person you were involved with romantically. Now you have your blueprint right in front of you. Now you are going to start a new page.

On this page you are going to write:. Now go back to all of your lists and write down all the things that were listed in your positive aspect categories. Then write:. After this list is put together, add whatever things that maybe you never had from someone but always wanted. Note: Just be careful how you write this. But if you have the same level of physical attraction towards your dream person — what does it matter what their actual physical characteristics are? Put that paper aside for the moment and take out a fresh sheet. On this one you are going to write:. Lose 20 pounds Clean or paint my apartment Clean out my car Get them a fresh toothbrush Make room in a drawer of closet for them at my house Buy new sexy underwear or pajamas they could see me in Etc.

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Prime yourself to see the perfection in the imperfection of another, love them anyway, and be willing to stick with them for the long haul. In a world of Tinder-swiping and celebrity worship, where potential love interests are scrutinized and reduced to commodities on the dating market, we need to adopt a more humane approach in how we perceive people. Good Enough versus Mr. You must accept potential love interests just as they are, not what they could be. You must open your heart to the truth of their story and see them as a whole person, and not someone who you should mold into your idea of what you want them to be.

Remember not to get too attached to your list and to see potential partners as whole living beings, instead of objects being evaluated based on a checklist.

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Look for the key qualities that are required for a healthy relationship: Based on the expertise of relationship experts, certain timeless characteristics are fundamental to developing healthy, long-lasting relationships such as honesty, integrity, empathy, respect, openness, and maturity. These are the gems that are going to add sparkle and longevity to any partnership and should be prioritized in your list of non-negotiables. Some experts say that having a particular set of traits does not always guarantee that two people will get along because compatibility is not a perfect science.


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Be wary that your passion for them may have caused you to magnify similarities and omit potential deal breakers. Work on improving yourself and enhancing your life: Before you can find an ideal mate, you have to be living your ideal life. But if you want to attract someone worthy, you have to first clean house. They say that love is blind — but love should be anything, but blind. If we want to be in a healthy and loving partnership, we need to have our eyes wide open to the truth of the person who stands in front of us.

The wait and effort will be totally worth it! Reflection Question: What is your idea of the perfect partner?

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